june always bring back bitter and sweet memories. For one, my father, whom i loved with all my heart and soul, passed away in 2003. it was the most difficult time for me. at the same time, i was in the midst of excitement, because we had just received word that ISA (Internal Security Act) detainees were being released from detention in Kamunting. despite my father's illness, i had gone to cover the story. On June 2, he died, as I was on my way back from the prison.

one of the ISA detainee, hishamuddin rais (independent writer, film-maker, former student activist) was a friend i had respected for being different, for being his own person, for always pushing the boundaries, eventhough it would later cost him his freedom...he is free now, and i had written these poems for him while he was in detention...april2001-june2003.


I

Hishamuddin Rais (middle)



"Your name is freedom but they tear your wings
And keep you captive in a golden cage;
they hide your radiance under a table
and drown your fragrance with their sweat
Why do they need to leash you
when you will not harm them?
Though they chain you with fury,
and dictate your every move,
your consciousness could never be curtailed...."

II

“It is not fair that I should be here and you
- behind those cold prison bars
It is not right that I should be free
to feel the sun glare in my face
the wind wild in my hair
the rain soaked on my skin
but you - alone behind those iron curtains
can feel nothing.
If you could fly or walk
without your hands being cuffed
you would be on the streets
you would sing your songs
you would write about freedom
you would tear down these walls
of injustice
you will silence the terror
with your bare hands
you would build a new world.
But I, being free, do not know
what to do
do not know if indeed
I am free.
Let me take your place
behind those iron bars
let me pay the price
for you behind those prison walls
let me be the one
to languish in this darkness
for unlike you,
I do not know
what to do with this freedom"

Susan Loone, Bangsar (May 15)